Your Hands-On Guide to Solo Sex

Everything you need to know about how to throw a party for one.

While I realize some of you might have landed here thinking, How could you not know how to masturbate? plenty of other women have reached adulthood without mastering solo-loving techniques that work for them. For those people, let me just say, relax, because it’s OK to have no idea what you’re doing. Men are born being like, “Oh, when I touch my penis, I enjoy it,” plus there are plenty of sex toys similar to Silikon Sexpuppe available for them. On the other hand, women have a totally different situation going on down there that can be a lot harder to figure out. Some women know that they can get a dildo or vibrator from a shop like WinkWinkSexToys, but even then, getting down to the act can be like learning a new language.To help bridge that gap, here are sex educators and sex toy store employees giving their best advice to get to the bottom of how to get you off.

1. Try a little pillow humping. Grind your vulva against something, recommends Trisha Borowicz, orgasm equality blogger and director of Science Sex and the Ladies, noting that it’s the way many women first experiment with their bodies. “Keep the panties on – less wet mess and more clit friction – and find something soft (a pillow, a stuffed animal, a stack of neatly folded laundry…). Lay face down with your vulva on top of it, slowly grinding your hips down against it. Adjust the pressure, your position and shape of the object until it feels really good. Once you get to that point, keep your rhythm consistent, take some deep breaths, and ride that stack of laundry straight to orgasm.”

2. Try back off right before you orgasm to make it even better. The concept is called ‘edging.’ “Don’t just race for the orgasm. Tease yourself. Caress every inch of yourself long before you dip between your thighs,” recommends Self Love Coach, Caitin Grace. “Once you finally move to your clitoris slow everything down. Use soft gentle strokes in amongst some hard and fast. Bring yourself to the edge of orgasm and then slow everything down. Go through this cycle a few times and just ride the waves of pleasure as long as you can.”

3. Let yourself get hand-y. “Caress yourself with one hand whilst the other one is getting busy on the clitoris,” says Florence Barkway, half of Florence and Reed, the online sex educators and occasional porn directors behind the sex and body positivity YouTube channel Come Curious. “Touching certain parts of the body can make your orgasms even more intense. For some women it might be the breasts and nipples, for others the stomach! It may look silly but if you rub your tummy like you’re hungry, with just a little bit of pressure on the lower stomach, it can lead to a tremendous orgasm.”
Get creative with where you do it and what you do it with. “You can masturbate standing up in the kitchen, laying in the bath, be experimental,” says Reed Amber, the other half of Come Curious.

4. Don’t masturbate like it’s something you have to accomplish or else. Kate McCombs, 31, who works as a sex and relationships educator, makes a very important point: Make sure you have enough time to not feel rushed and have enough privacy to not be interrupted. If you have time and prefer a visual aid, why not put on some porn that suits your sexual desires, whether that’s Midget porn, BDSM or another area of porn. If you only have five minutes or you’ve set aside a day like you need to get this figured out, odds are you’e going to be way too stressed to allow the kind of no-pressure chill vibe you should ideally have when you’re masturbating, at least in the beginning. So shut your phone on, put on some music or porn that turns you on, and take your time.

5. Use some lube, because why not? You can find some amazing varieties of lube as well as some fabulous sex toys using online sex shops such as delicia toys. McCombs recommends using a quarter-size amount of lube onto your index and middle fingers, and gently massaging it around your clitoris (the little button-shaped thing at the top of your vagina) and inner labia (the folds inside the larger folds that make up most of your vagina). Sure, you might have enough natural vaginal lubrication to start with, but if you don’t, extra lube (no matter where it comes from) will make it a lot more comfortable. Continue reading here.

How Do Women Masturbate?