What It’s Really Like to Be a Bisexual Female

Four anonymous women get real about what it’s really like to be a bisexual female in this day and age.

How old are you?

Woman A: Twenty-eight.

Woman B: Twenty-one.

Woman C: Twenty-two.

Woman D: Nineteen.

When did you start to identify as bi?

Woman A: I had my first sexual experience when I was 8 with a girl, but I never really thought of it as “bad” or “gay” or even unusual. I never thought of myself as a straight person either. In high school, I began to experiment more with some of my girl friends, which led to me dating girls. I dated boys here and there until I hit a two-year span where I wasn’t dating men at all during college, and even came out to my parents as gay. Then, later, I met a guy … and then married that guy. Haha.

Woman B: I had always identified as straight; I hadn’t really considered any other possibilities. But when I was 19, this new girl got hired at my job, and she made it very clear that she was interested in me. For two years, I kind of awkwardly danced around the subject, but she surprisingly never gave up. She ended up kissing me for the first time after asking me to go out for something to eat. We hooked up a few times on and off, and now we’ve been dating for almost a year.

Woman C: I remember being around 11 years old and meeting this girl in my youth group at church who I thought was so pretty. I would write in my journal about her and pretend that she thought I was just as pretty as she was. I can distinctly remember fantasizing about what it would feel like to kiss her. For a long time, I didn’t think that I could ever feel about a man the way I felt about women. As I grew older and more aware of my sexuality, however, I realized that I was very attracted to men as well, just in a different way.

Woman D: I knew I liked women since middle school. I had an enormous crush on one of my best friends. When I was 15, I started identifying as a lesbian and exclusively saw women, but when I was 17, I started identifying as bisexual.

What was it like coming out to people?

Woman A: There was never a coming-out process for me when it came to friends at school — in our social circle, there were a lot of LGBT folks. Everyone just kind of knew and no one was judged about it in our group. When I came out to my parents, I was so nervous but it was super easy. I just told my mom that I liked girls, and she was like, “I know.” I was 22.

Woman B: After my girlfriend and I hooked up for the first time, I told one of my good friends from high school, who identified as pansexual. I kept it a secret from the rest of my friends for a while because I didn’t really know where things were going to go. When I finally told my mom, she told me to never tell my father because it would absolutely destroy him. That was hard, and I did heed her advice for a while, until finally it got too frustrating and I broke down and told him too. He said that he didn’t feel like that was who I really was. My extended family still doesn’t know.

Woman C: Though I have become far more comfortable with my sexuality in recent years, I’m not where I would like to be. So far, I have come out to three of my friends and plan to come out to my mother in the near future. When I came out to each of my friends, the most terrifying part of it was feeling so incredibly vulnerable. While I thought I knew them, I didn’t know explicitly what they would say or how they would react. Thankfully, my friends were entirely accepting, and affirmed that they loved and supported me no matter what.

Woman D: Coming out to my parents was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. When I was 14, I wrote my parents a letter describing my feelings and thoughts that I had about women. They reacted super poorly — they were afraid and angry of the unknown. They sent me to therapy, pulled me out of my current private girls’ school, and didn’t allow any sort of contact with my past friends. I was isolated and felt very alone. However, in the past two years, they have slowly started coming around. I openly discuss my bisexuality with my mother although I do still strongly feel the “I hope my daughter ends up with a man” sentiments. It’s complicated because I may end up with a man or a woman at different parts in my life, and I’m not sure how that will translate through my parents’ understanding of bisexuality. Continue reading here.

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