How Women Masturbate

While I realize some of you might have landed here thinking, How could you not know how to masturbate? plenty of other women have reached adulthood without mastering solo-loving techniques that work for them. For those people, let me just say, relax, because it’s OK to have no idea what you’re doing. Men are born being like, “Oh, when I touch my penis, I enjoy it” and then that’s that. Women have a whole situation going on down there that can be a lot harder to figure out. So Cosmopolitan.com spoke with some sex educators and sex toy store employees to get to the bottom of how to get you off.

1. Don’t masturbate like it’s something you have to accomplish or else. Kate McCombs, 31, who works as a sex and relationships educator, makes a very important point: Make sure you have enough time to not feel rushed and have enough privacy to not be interrupted. If you only have five minutes or you’ve set aside a day like you need to get this figured out, odds are you’e going to be way too stressed to allow the kind of no-pressure chill vibe you should ideally have when you’re masturbating, at least in the beginning. So shut your phone on, put on some music that turns you on, and take your time.

2. Use some lube, because why not? McCombs recommends using a quarter-size amount of lube onto your index and middle fingers, and gently massaging it around your clitoris (the little button-shaped thing at the top of your vagina) and inner labia (the folds inside the larger folds that make up most of your vagina). Sure, you might have enough natural vaginal lubrication to start with, but if you don’t, extra lube (no matter where it comes from) will make it a lot more comfortable.

3. You don’t have to focus on the vagina and nothing but the vagina. Carol Queen, PhD, co-author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone, 58, recommends also bringing in nipple stimulation into masturbation, or grabbing your butt or upper thighs, just to see if any of that feels good to you. Part of that is just to get a sense of where you’re the most sensitive and what kind of touch feels best for you. Plus, by finding those spots on other parts of your body that feel really good, you’re increasing your arousal, which will make touch feel different (and probably better), which is always great.

4. Don’t feel like you have to start out by jackhammering your clit. McCombs recommends some more low-key playful touching, like running your fingers along your inner labia and along the sides of your clitoris, all the way down toward the entrance of your vagina. It’s just a good starting point to get some blood flowing down there, which helps increase pleasure and arousal. Plus, you’re getting a feel for what you like and you can always keep repeating whatever is working for you from there. Continue reading here.

Masturbation Tips For Women