Cunnilingus Problems and How to Fix Them

First things first: Contrary to what popular culture might have you believe, not everyone loves getting head. “Some of us aren’t that comfortable with having someone between our legs for an extended period of time for a myriad of emotional or physical reasons,” sex educator and adult performer Kelly Shibari tells Cosmopolitan.com — and that’s more than all right. But if you’re into cunnilingus and want to enjoy it more than you already do, there are common problems you may experience as well as ways to address them — read on for insight from the experts.

1. You’re actually not wet enough. You might think you don’t need any extra lubrication, especially if you’re already wet (or there’s a lot of saliva in action), but “it can still be beneficial to add a bit of lube, especially if you plan on fingering the vulva during oral sex,” says Zoë Ligon, sex educator and founder of sex toy boutique Spectrum. “If you’re worried about how the lube might negatively affect the taste, try a tasteless and odorless lube like Sliquid H2O, or even a sugar-free flavored lube like Sliquid Swirl.” You could find that a little more wetness increases your pleasure immensely.

2. You’re worried about how you taste. Firstly, remember that if your vagina is healthy — that is, you don’t have any sort of bacterial infection, like bacterial vaginosis or trichomoniasis — however it smells and tastes is totally fine, and anyone who shames you for it probably doesn’t deserve to have their head down there. “It’s important to remember that vulvas can taste all types of ways,” Ligon says. “The taste of a vulva can change based on something as simple as where a person is in their cycle, and the balance of naturally occurring bacteria in the vaginal canal can change because of many different factors.” That said, again, you can feel free to experiment with flavored lubes, such as the (admittedly delicious) lubes from Wicked Sensual Care (they’re flavored with stevia, meaning no infection risk for you — because nothing ruins a good time like some uninvited yeast).

3. The stimulation isn’t varied enough. Don’t shy away from introducing a toy into the action, or from having your partner finger you at the same time. Inserting fingers into the vagina on top of tongue stimulation on your clit and labia could be the double whammy that you need to get the most out of oral. “If you tire of using your fingers during oral sex, try getting a wand-style dildo like the Comet Wand or Fun Wand to use in tandem with your mouth,” Ligon says. These toys can help your partner stimulate the sensitive front wall of your vagina at the same time as their tongue is on your clit, which is pretty much divine.

4. You’re not talking enough before or after the act. Every vagina is different, and your partner, for better or worse, is likely not a mind reader. “There’s no way to truly know whether your partner will prefer light, fluttering licks, or intense pressure and sucking unless you ask them,” Ligon says. Yes, you can talk about what gets you off beforehand, but often the most effective approach is to give feedback during the act itself so that you can ask for more or less pressure, focus on a different area, and so on — you often won’t know what feels great until you’re, well, feeling it. Continue reading here.

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